certifiedtess

destieldrabblesdaily:

my mom kept complaining that our cat was getting too fat and it was my fault because I’m spoiling her

a few months later I won this particular argument

thanks mate for helping me out, you’re a good bean

kaijuno:

alwayswriting848:

kaijuno:

kaijuno:

So my new English professor is my uncle only he has no idea because he hasn’t talked to my mom in about 20 years so do you think is should tell him

You know what nevermind he’s a dick I’m going to talk to my mom to get dirt on him so I can blackmail him if the need arises

You should write a story about a boy for an assignment and include loads of life details about him that your mum tells you so that it’s obviously him but change all the names then hand it in and be really confused if he questions you about it

Oh my god

chvnise:

sixpenceee:

These Japanese fireworks are on another level. Via u/tiktokgood

They’re so used to them, some folks aren’t even looking. Wow

great-tweets:

textbook chaotic good

neoplatonizam:

Florence is just pure art.

artemiskid:

#man just got eaten alive

sofire-almond:

princess-slay-ya:

Carrie Fisher reciting the “Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi” speech through the years

“What’s interesting, is that when you get Carrie going she still remembers all the lines from the old films” – Oscar Isaac, in the video tribute to Carrie Fisher from SWCO [x]

you forgot the best one

rockpapertheodore:

fandomsandanythingelse:

twentyonelizards:

broadjay:

consider: adhd immortal people

“what was it like 400 years ago?” fuck if i know. i don’t even remember what it was like last week.

catch me procrastinating basic tasks for twenty times longer

“oh yeah, I’ve been meaning to get around to fixing that window, but I’ve just been so busy, y’know?”

“you’ve lived here since 1740″

MMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Walking through a museum and seeing some old things of yours and just going “FUCK. FUCK GOD DAMN IT, I’ve been looking for this forEVER” and then trying to haggle with the curator to get your shit back

tinysaurus-rex:

earth-tooth:

dont support industries that are driving animals to extinction thank you!

Already reblogged one of these but another reminder: don’t by nautilus shells!